All that I knew was that my dad was in critical condition. I was told to stay inside and make sure my little siblings stayed calm, but with so many question marks and exclamation marks going off in my head, I couldn’t say that I was even calm myself. Prayer after prayer, we pleaded that God would protect the life of my dad, who had protected ours for so long. Upon hearing a loud juddering sound coming from the backyard, I opened my tear-filled eyes and looked out the kitchen window to see a large helicopter landing next to our raspberry patch. Gasping in fear, I gathered my siblings to unite again in prayer, hoping more than anything our dad still had breath in his lungs left enough for us to see him at least one more time.
Just moments later, my mom came rushing in the house and lovingly instructed us to get in the car right away. For what felt like the longest car ride of my life, we drove down to the hospital where they had taken my dad. As we drove, my mom explained to us that in attempts to repair the undercarriage of a vehicle in our shop, the jack holding the car up gave way, resulting in the car collapsing on my dad’s chest cavity, instantly causing him to lose consciousness. Seeing him helplessly lay on a hospital bed, covered chest up in popped blood vessels, my heart sunk. However, as I looked around to see my entire family united and surrounding him, I finally felt the peace I’d been seeking for hours. I knew in that moment that each member of our family was needed, and without each other, we would be broken.
While I may not have been the one that miraculously saved my dad’s life that day, I know that I had a significant part to play through my prayers and uniting my siblings together. Since then, I have seen many situations in which a member of my family has forgotten the importance of their particular role in our family unit, and the impact it has on all of us when just one person loses sight of the bigger picture.
W.H. Watson, author of ‘Encyclopedia of Human Behavior’ suggests, “According to a family systems perspective, an individual’s functioning is determined not so much by intrapsychic factors as by a person’s place in the system(s) in which he or she finds himself or herself, subject to the pushes and pulls of the system, including competing emotional demands, role definitions and expectations, boundary and hierarchy issues, coalitions and collusions, loyalty conflicts, family and institutional culture and belief systems, double binds, projective identifications, and systemic anxiety. ” (Watson, Family Systems Theory 2012) It is clear to see that our individual roles in the family are crucial to the overall functioning of the family as a whole. When we recognize and fulfill our roles, we are able to create a happy environment in the home.
Families are intended to be a place where everyone feels protected and valued. In a healthy family, there is a good cohesion balance between over-attachment and disengagement. I have noticed that particularly with teenagers, it can be difficult to find this balance. While some teens tend to distance themselves from their family, others use this vulnerable time in life to rely heavily upon their parents to get them through the difficult years of adolescence.
The ultimate goal in helping family members recognize their familial roles would then be establishing interdependent, deep-rooted friendships with children and teens. This allows them to feel safe when they need someone to talk to that truly cares about them, while still assisting in finding ways to help them overcome their own challenges with a support system rather than helicopter parents or siblings. The need for this cohesion is manifest in seeing the extremities that can come later in life from steering towards enmeshment or disengagement. When teens become too close to their parents, it can cause them to have improper and unhealthy attachments that are difficult to resolve later on in life while teens that are highly uninvolved with their families might later find it taxing to trust or constructively communicate with others.
Through study and experience, I have learned the importance of roles in each family and healthy family attachments, and the difference these principles can make after one leaves the comfort of their home. Through the years, I have found my role in my family as the middle child, peacemaker, designated cleaner, and best friend to each member of the family. I am grateful to have witnessed first hand the power that can come to a home when families unite together in a family system, and these bonds have the ability to work miracles; sometimes even saving a life.
Love, Lily
Source:
Watson, W. H. (2012). Family Systems Theory. Family Systems Theory – an overview | ScienceDirect Topics. Retrieved September 29, 2022, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/family-systems-theory
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