With ever increasing statistics on fornication in marriages across the globe, I have become very intrigued about the causes and cures of this significant lack of loyalty in relationships. In doing so, two particular words have especially sparked my interest in finding an explanation: fidelity and cleaving.
Before jumping into these two ideas, let’s take a look at some research that has been completed by LA Intelligence (a full service detective agency) that absolutely blows my mind:
- 30 to 60 percent of married couples will cheat at least once in the marriage
- 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women admit they’d cheat if it was guaranteed they’d never get caught
- 60 percent of affairs start with close friends or coworkers
- An average affair lasts 2 years
- 69 percent of marriages break up as a result of an affair being discovered (Matthews, 2021)
With that in mind, the question again arises: what is there to do to decrease the likelihood of infidelity?
By definition, fidelity means faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support (Oxford Languages Dictionary). I find a lot of power in that definition as fidelity in a marriage includes each of those aspects of faithfulness (person, cause, and belief). I especially love the usage of the word continuing is used in that definition; successful and faithful marriages are consistent (i.e. loyalty and love are unchanganging and unconditional despite constant challenges and changes of life). Therefore, acknowledging and respecting the commitment and fidelity that initially unites couples together is crucial in demonstrating continuing loyalty and support to a spouse.
The second word that has intrigued me in regards to this topic is cleaving. After searching several different sources and dictionaries, I find it interesting that this word simply doesn’t exist as a noun; cleaving is always used as a verb, implying action to be taken. I can recall many times reading about cleaving in the scriptures and in taking a closer look, I recognize the great significance of the usage of that verb in each story. For example, in Genesis, Matthew, Mark, Moses, and Abraham we learn the exact principle over and over as the Lord teaches, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5, Mark 10:7, Moses 3:24, Abr. 5:18) I find it no coincidence that the only references to this word throughout the standard works of scripture is when the Lord invites, even commands, us to cleave unto only those we are married to and Jesus Christ, who we sometimes refer to as the Bridegroom in the Old and New Testament.
That being said, a crucial part of cleaving is intentionally setting up healthy boundaries with every source outside of the marriage, whether relationships with friends and family, hobbies and habits, etc. This is not to say that having close friends and family is discouraged or unhealthy, and participating in hobbies is not going to instantly ruin a marital bond. Rather, this means being willing to put spouses and the marriage relationship itself above anything else, and as the scriptures suggest, “leave…father and mother” in order cleave to and maintain fidelity with a spouse. In sum, when said boundaries are kept and respected, marriages not only last, but the relationships therin thrive and deepen through increased fidelity.
To conclude, both maintaining unconditional fidelity and cleaving unto spouses in addition to Jesus Christ, marriages have the capability to flourish and be strengthened through dedicated loyalty and support. I am confident that with an individual determination to remain faithful and maintain a loving relationship, fornication and divorce can be prevented.
Love, Lily
Sources:
Matthews, S. B. (2021, March 10). Infidelity: The cold hard truth about cheating. LA Intelligence. Retrieved November 3, 2022, from https://laintelligence.com/infidelity-the-cold-hard-truth-about-cheating/
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